happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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