how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize