It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
