when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Randomize
