How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Just cropdusted the office
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Two words: blizzard sex
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
