She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
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