Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
