he wants to bone in the snuggie
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
