i just wanna soil my oats bro
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
