No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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