I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
