i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
