you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Randomize
