cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Dignity is for republicans.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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