Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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