Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
