I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
