So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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