where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I'm having to shit out rocks
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