I only kidnapped one of them. chill
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
