the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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