I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
