just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
