I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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