wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I believe in your delicious
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
