Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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