I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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