Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
