I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
