So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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