Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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