I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I need help removing her.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
