Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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