just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
