She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
