I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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