Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize