Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
