I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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