i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
