didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
