I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
