it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
