Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
