You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
