u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
