My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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