Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize