At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
