I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
