The maid of honor just puked.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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