Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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