pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
