I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
