Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
