I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
