We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
