Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
