new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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