Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
