I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
