Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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