Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
