I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
