you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
