It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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