why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
