I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
our cab driver is having phone sex.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
