it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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