Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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